Chapter 1. Kevin. Chapter 2. Transition. Chapter 3, here we enter…I am in the third chapter. The gateway to the beginning of a third life. Maybe chapter two was pretty much a void of life, as it was so numbing, but it was such a deep divided transition in it it was a life-not like the chapter before, and certainly not the chapter I am now entering.
Some of us lead lives with few chapters, just a few transitions from major life sequences, and some of us will have a multitude of chapters that are quickly moving one from the other, always earth shaking. This one is a subtle surprise, a granting of new life and happiness. I feel grounded in my life; having passed the transition of bitterness and numbness that is grief.
My past two chapters have been very public. Having blogged my life and feelings away during Kevin’s illness, and through my widowhood, I feel hesitant to be as open about Chapter three. It is not about feeling ashamed of it, but merely liking that certain pieces of my life remain just mine. Like little treasures, I get to enjoy them solely and grow in them in a way that allows me to be less influenced by the outside world.
Moving forward after grief includes some monumental firsts, most of which are deathly scary even if they are happy events. It is nice to have your life a bit private, a little bit of mystery, but mostly, cherished.
Chapter three, here we go.
PS-I have a boyfriend.