More thoughts from when I blogged during my trip to the Smoky Mountain National Park:
I’m working on the book, reflecting back upon that first momentous year of life with Kevin. I just got to Labor Day weekend 2007, and I think, “wow, I have so much yet to write”, but really? No, I don’t. Because by the following Labor Day, he was spending his last days in the hospital before he finally got discharged.
How did it all happen so quickly? How did it happen that we only got 4 Labor Days together before he passed? How did we only get to spend 2 of those happily together, one apart, and one with him deathly ill? That is not fair.
When I get past writing Labor Day, then it quickly moves through to Thanksgiving, Christmas in Toronto, our first anniversary at home, our birtihdays, some last minute beach trips, a Memorial Day weekend at the beach with my brother and his wife, the week long vacation in Winnipeg, then the beginning of the end.
Where did it all go? How could it have all happened so quickly? I knew it was face, we had only been married 1.5 years when he passed. But now, as I write it out, it feels painfully short. We didn’t even get two Christmases together, nor two Thanksgiving. Just one of each. We cooked one turkey in our tiny apartment, we spent one Christmas in Canada with his family where the only thing we got one another was me slippers, and him, well…I had told him no gifts, HA!
How does life end so quickly when it’s just begin? One Christmas married to Kevin. That’s just wrong. And already I have passed two entire Christmases without Kevin. TWO CHRISTMASES WITHOUT HIM. I feel sick thinking about it. Today, I am just two months away from him being dead longer than we were married.
Our marriage was not fair, it was shorted. So entirely shorted. I can only pray that round two of life gets more fruitful results. I was cheated.