Emotional Homecoming

I am finding that this past week being home has been really emotional. It’s been hitting me very hard, being home, without Kevin. Last night, while shopping at Target, I almost broke down crying in the middle of the home decorations aisle over nothing. I just wanted to curl up into a bawl, in the middle of the floor, and bawl hysterically. But I made it out…only to do just that in my Jeep. It was difficult. So, I made a pit stop at a close friend’s house on the way home to sob on their shoulders. I’ve been doing a lot of impromptu crying over the past few days.

The holidays are hitting me hard. It’s not that I didn’t expect that to happen, I just hoped I could handle it. But no one can prepare you for the array of emotions you feel spending your first big holidays alone as a widow. And yes, despite all those wonderful people surrounding you, you still feel alone. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s a miserable, cold, bitter feeling.

I’m so glad that my MIL, Linda, is coming to visit. It’ll be nice to have her to spend some time with, and to be together over the holidays. Please keep Ken in your thoughts and give him a ring over the holidays, as he’ll be back in Winnipeg alone. I think about him often, and how he is dealing, how we’re all dealing. I know I’m not alone in this loss.

I’m just pressing on….pushing forward. One milisecond at a time it feels like…

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Comments 2

  1. Bren,
    I am feeling compelled to respond to your last blog, although at times like this, when I feel I just have to communicate to you, I am floundering for the words that would be supportive to you right now. Maybe it’s true, there just aren’t any words for this. It won’t stop me, however, from responding to let you know I am still here-reading and thinking about you on a daily basis.

  2. Brenda,
    although sometimes i feels as though im buggin you cause there for a while i was writing you all ther time i felt it was time to write you and let you know i think of you often especially now that im back in Pa and know your back as well i hope your trips were amazing and that it gave you some time to think i lost a son right before christmas it would of been our first son (back in 02) i had all my friends all my family around but that one most important person was not and should of been so i deff know and fully understand your feeling of “being alone” that alone feeling is the worst!!!!! i would love to get to meet you and know the person im writing to please be in touch Dani

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