That day will be tomorrow. The day I’ve been dreading. The day Kevin will have been dead longer than I knew him. Why should this day matter so much? It really only matters as much as I focus on it, and, well, I’m focusing on it.
Why am I so cranky? Is it really because of the bad pave job outside of my home that’s causing the trucks to rumble across creating 7.0 earthquakes in my bedroom? The lack of sleep from that? The frustrations of things not working the way they’re “supposed” to (or the way I think they should?) Ok, so those are contributors. But typically, when I am getting crankier than normal, I look at the dates in my life. Oh yeah, THAT’S approaching. In this case, that big day is tomorrow.
So for today, I can say that Kevin has NOT been dead longer than I knew him. Tomorrow, not the case. Again, does it really matter?
If you have never lost a loved one, it may seem like an in-consequential date. One that I’m making too big a deal out of. Or maybe you’re saying “What now?!” like one of my widow gals heard from a friend yesterday.
I could be thinking about the fact that this coming April 7 he would be turning 40 and I would be putting together a big birthday bash at my parents, or maybe at Tobias S. Frogg like we did for his 35th. But nope. Not this year.
Dates are only marks on our calendar, but somehow deep down, they’re marked a bit in my heart and soul too. I can feel them coming. I can dread them without even remembering right away. I kind of hate that.