I know it is not easy being relatable to other people. One of the hardest parts of widowhood, is that it feels like no one gets what you are going through, not even the other widows. So not only do you feel alone because your spouse has died, but you feel alone because no one can connect to the hurt you are feeling.
No one wants to imagine that the love of their live will one day be gone. Whether you have been together two weeks, or 50 years, losing a spouse or partner is an indescribable loss. We have been raised in a society that embraces life and youth, not death and illness. However, just as each one of us is born, each one of us will die. It is much easier to discuss the former than the latter.
Many people do not know what do say. That’s ok. I do believe that rather than thinking you can solve the “problem” with some snippet advice is incorrect. This is one you cannot fix. It can only be healed through time, and through acceptance. However, attempting to relate in some way, shape, or form always helps. You do not have to say, “I know what y0ure going through because so and so died”. To the person who has lost someone recently, by saying that it somehow diminishes the feeling of lost. As if the losses are comparable. Loss is loss, but it is so very different. You cannot say one loss is greater than another, but all hurt, and all destruct.
Sometimes just imagine what it would be like to be in that persons shoes is the greatest challenge, but a must. I find the best type of comforting friend or peer I can be, is one that acknowledges the awful situation that has happened, and tries to understand or at least accept what that person is facing.
So imagine…you found your soulmate, you shared three and a half amazing years together, one and half of them married, and you spend the last four months together watching the one slowly slip from this earth, fighting all the while to still be with you. It is not an easy thing to imagine. It is not one anyone wants to ever see happen to great love. But it happens. Not just to me, but to many others.
Put y0urself in their shoes, and if you cannot do that, simply acknowledge that their loss is hard, and painful, and any way you can help you would be happy to do so. Fixing it is not your initiative. Supporting them, is.