I do see things differently since this has happened, and it’s not that I feel hopeless about what has happened, but the pain of loss…no thoughts of better perspective or strength right now, are getting me through this immediate pain that is so hardcore. The intensities of these moments that hit so randomly are so consuming and destroying of whatever energy/hope/love/sense that I have in that moment. Afterwards I feel like a freight train has torn through my soul and done irreparable damage, and until I pick up, or go to sleep and wake up, I just continue to feel that. I’m travelling down this road of devastation. I have not lost faith, or hope, or sight. However, the grief is sometimes so blinding, so intense, that I cannot see anything beyond that horrifying bitter taste of loss. Most times I can sail through the day and function, and even do well. But at times the fire of grief is all consuming and beyond what anyone should be able to “handle”.
One second at a time…that is all.