Intensity

I do see things differently since this has happened, and it’s not that I feel hopeless about what has happened, but the pain of loss…no thoughts of better perspective or strength right now, are getting me through this immediate pain that is so hardcore. The intensities of these moments that hit so randomly are so consuming and destroying of whatever energy/hope/love/sense that I have in that moment. Afterwards I feel like a freight train has torn through my soul and done irreparable damage, and until I pick up, or go to sleep and wake up, I just continue to feel that. I’m travelling down this road of devastation. I have not lost faith, or hope, or sight. However, the grief is sometimes so blinding, so intense, that I cannot see anything beyond that horrifying bitter taste of loss. Most times I can sail through the day and function, and even do well. But at times the fire of grief is all consuming and beyond what anyone should be able to “handle”.

One second at a time…that is all.

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Brenda Sieglitz

Brenda Lee Sieglitz is an author and public speaker whose topics focus on travel, grief, and nature. Widowed in 2008 at 24 years of age, Brenda is an advocate for sarcoma patients, the widowed community, and conservation through her volunteerism with the National Park Service, Lancaster County Conservancy, Pennsylvania Master Naturalist, Hospice of Lancaster County, Soaring Spirits International, Angiosarcoma Awareness and Highmark Caring Place. Brenda won the 2009 Associated Content “Content of the Year” award, and in 2011 was named one of Wyndham Women’s “Women on their Way”. Most recently her love and loss memoir, Ebb from the Shoreline, won 1st Place Editor’s Choice in Nonfiction at the 2014 North American Book Awards. Sieglitz holds a degree in business and became a Pennsylvania Master Naturalist in 2015. In her spare time, she adores playing with her two nieces, going on family adventures with her husband, stepdaughter and son-in-law, hiking, camping and is working to complete her bucket list dream of visiting all National Park units. Sieglitz has been married to her best friend Dave since 2013 and continues to reside in Lancaster County with their two beagles Scotch and Fina.

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Comments 1

  1. Patty November 13, 2008

    Brenda, I came across your posts on SparkPeople. I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayer for you is the God will restore ALL that the enemy has stolen from you. I pray that the enemy pays a great price for stealing from this world and your life a wonderful person that Kevin is.

    I will be praying for you and your family. You have a wonderful gift of writing.
    love and prayers,
    Patty

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