People keep re-iterating in my dumb numb leg journey (that’s what I’m titling it, but it ain’t nothing like Janet’s leg journey) that if it ain’t one thing it’s another. Yes, I do realize that typing this out reiterates how very Lancaster County we all are around these here parts. Despite our slang, it’s true! When Kevin died that was the BIG THING. Then my Grandmpa died, then my Mom got cancer, then my Grandma died, then my Dad got cancer AGAIN. I kept thinking holy moly this is nuts. How can one person be hit with so very many bad things? Why? Because LIFE IS MESSY. It is!
It’s cruel, punishing, evil, destructive. But it’s also inspiring, enlightening, adventurous and surprising. No one ever promised me that my dreams would come true, I just always hoped/thought that they would. Some did, some did not. Some came true in a much different way than I ever expected. Some came true and then faded far too quickly (I had hoped they’d last a lifetime). But I was given no promises from life on earth. None. Even today, no promises.
I used to beg/plead that life’s surprises would end and that life would stop being so darned messy and give me some peace. Now I try to find the fun moments in between the messy. The good stuff at the bottom of the barrel that can fulfill me through the gross parts. I have pain/numbness and frustrations right now. But I also have relaxation. I have lounge time. I get to chill with no reason not to! These are good things, necessary things.
Life is going to keep being messy, but I’m gonna find the joy in that too.