Freezing Point

The lake was still frozen, but I was sunshiney, alive.

My leg is numb but the rest of me is ready to roll.

Why can’t it all connect?

Today I found out I *may* have a pinched nerve.  It *may* also lead to surgery.  I DO have to go to Physical Therapy.  I DO have to restrict myself from lifting, sitting too long, walking too much, doing ANYTHING too much.  If I don’t listen to this numb leg of mine, I could have many bigger problems ahead.

I am kicking myself.  Self pity of course.  Why didn’t I slow down before now, why couldn’t I have taken better care of my health, why did this happen to me, will I feel my leg again?  Of course, it’s only been 24 hours of numbness.  Some people go their entire lives with a symptom such as this.  My body has always functioned-maybe not perfectly, but I could get by.  This though, this is different.  I can’t feel parts of my body.  That’s freaky scary.

I can only do the work now that I should have done before.  I can only take care of myself, give myself grace, stop and slow down.  I can only do what I can do and the rest is up to you know who.

The lake thawed eventually, and I still have sunshiney moments.  Maybe the two will connect soon again in my life.

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Comments 4

  1. wow, thinking of you hun. If theres anything i can do, im here for you. xox

  2. Sorry to hear about your numb leg.

    If needed to learn, kick yourself … but then stop. Feeling guilty is rarely beneficial motivation. You don’t have the past … you have today and from this day forward … what can you do to make today a good day for you and your body?

    Unless it’s extreme, I’d hate to see you have surgery for a pinched nerve … our bodies are amazing and can heal from a lot if given the proper care. Physical therapy is key! It has a big part to play in how well I am doing post-accident. Do the therapy. Do it! Do everything they tell you to. Listen to your body as you do the exercises … you know your body better than they do. So if it aggravates your pain do that exercise gently or modify the exercise … otherwise, do all the therapy and do it well.

    Sometimes when doing therapy, it’s hard to diagnose the pain we feel … it is better, worse or somewhere in the middle? And is it actual pain or is it an excuse our mind wants to grab a hold of to ‘allow’ and justify quitting. (Not that I would ever do that. Ha!) So that’s when you need to pause, breathe deep and be aware of your body and be honest with yourself.

    Happy recovery!

  3. Thanks Janet, I start PT tomorrow. I’m stretching at home and doing light exercises so that I don’t “lock up”. It’s getting to me. I’m anxious to start PT and get healing!

  4. Thanks, I may need some help soon 🙂

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