I am anxiously counting down my week until I leave on VACATION. A real, true vacation. While Kevin and I have gotten away to see family, and on weekend trips to the beach, I haven’t had more than a TRUE week vacation since our honeymoon almost 2 years ago. This is much past do-I just wish I was taking this trip with Kev.
This morning I woke up not quite fathoming that Kev is really gone. I just keep replaying in my mind our routine while he was sick..the thing I witnessed, and eventually, watching him pass. It’s a greusome recounting of his last days, over and over, and over. I just can’t seem to release these thoughts. When I think of Kev, I think of these things. This is NOT how I want to remember him, and that’s very frustrating. I WANT desperately to think of the good times, but right now, I just can’t. It stinks.
Last night I got away with my sister, her hubby and my parents to see the Eagles concert in Hershey, Pa. It was superb. Kev would have loved it. Although he was not as big of an Eagles fan, he would have loved the guitar jams. It’s hard to do things like this, without him by my side enjoying it. It’s even harder not to have him to come home to, to tell him about these awesome things I’m seeing and doing. I just want to tell him how my day was, tell him about this or that, and I can’t. I think it in my head, like he’s listening, and tell him, but it’s not the same. I can’t here his reaction or see him smiling at me and my goofyness.
I miss him so much…..It’s like I don’t want to begin this new chapter without him. I don’t! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either. Who WANTS to begin a new chapter of their life without their best friend and partner. I doubt anyone…
🙁 Oh well..I’m moving forward. Finally getting some paperwork done..and guess what. I started writing the novel. 2 pages down. Tears…and snow. I guess more snow is coming, so hopefully that means more pages, and, unfortunately, more tears.