Who do you turn to when you need to make a tough decision?
If you are religious, you may read the bible, leaning into God’s word to find the answer. If you are political, you may make the decision based on your party’s beliefs. If you live at home with your parents, you may turn to one of them to give you guidance. If you’re in school, you might set up an appointment with a guidance counselor to assist you. If you have a therapist, you may share your concerns with them to understand if you are taking the right step.
But do you ever consult yourself?
I used to follow my gut – it sometimes led me in the very wrong direction, but sometimes, it led me on some amazing and memorable explorations. Now, when I make a decision, I ask everyone else, but myself, what I want and need. Sort of the “Are YOU my Mother?” tale of skipping from one possible solution to the next trying to find the right answer. Someone else has to have the answer because I certainly don’t, right?
As I step away from volunteering with some very important organizations in my life, I step into some new opportunities that I once was headed; before I got tangled up in actively dealing with my grief. Now, I am trusting my gut again, leaning on the dreams and passions that I once pursued with zeal before the numbness of grief wore off. I am not asking if it’s OK. I am not going to reach out and follow the advice of anyone else, but I am going to pursue it based purely on what I want to do with my life.
On no topic in particular, are you doing what you feel called to do, or are you asking what you should be doing, to do what you want to do? Yes, it’s OK to read that wordy question again.
If you’re into being green and into conservation, are you picking up the trash off the street when you see it, or are you passing it by? Do you require being part of a cleanup crew in order to get it done, or are you going to do it because it needs to be done, and now?
Are you going to write a story you’re passionate about right now because it’s on the tips of your fingers ready to be written or are you going to ignore it to work on a project that you feel obligated to, but no longer fueled to chase?
Do you look at the many different ways in which you could find yourself in the career of your dreams, or are you actively researching, studying, going to school and training yourself for those duties?
Is your marriage tired and suffering and neglected and you’re going through the motions to survive or are you investing in getting to know your spouse before she or he is a stranger?
Did you park your kids in front of the TV because you feel depressed about X, Y or Z or did you get outside with them, soak up the Vitamin D that your body is desperately craving, and be a kid again with them?
Are you parking your car in the closest spot so you don’t have to walk far since you’re out of shape but paranoid someone will dent the door, or did you park far away to get back into shape and prevent that dented door?
At work are you doing what needs to be done so you can get home at 5:15 or are you going a bit further so that it makes you and others’ jobs easier?
Why are you waiting for someone to hold your hand and walk you through this? Why do we need 10,000 consultants to help us figure out what to do? Has life become that complicated or are we just too damn lazy to do what needs to be done without being asked or pushed or prodded?
If we all hold hands, nothing gets done. If we let go, we can still be beside one another, doing what needs to be done; what we want to get done.
Let go. Do.
I just love this post Brenda! I think that a part of our self confidence was lost when our spouses died. It takes that long travel through grief to once again regain our confidences so we will once again trust our instincts.
I agree heartily – instinct seems to fall by the wayside. Everything is new and terrifying!