I love my job.  Let me start that way.  But I still have stirrings about what the next 10, 20, 30, 50 years will hold.  The longer we live, the longer we work.  I foresee no plans for an early retirement in my future, and I’m OK with that.  I am coming to terms with the fact that my life is a constant state-of-learning-process, and also, a state-of-finding-process.  Since middle school, my career dreams have centered around writing and travel.  I was fortunate enough to land this current job which puts me in a place where I get to learn about all the amazing things to do in Pennsylvania, and I still am allowed to write about my own travels on my own.  It’s a win win!

When I look at pictures of National Parks, State parks, and anything outdoors related, I still feel that yearning.  I don’t know if it simply has to do with the part of me that has yet to explore all the National Park Units, as I want to complete on my bucket list, or if it’s something I feel called to do.  I think about what I will have to do, fitness wise, to make myself even physically able to get to work in the parks in some capacity, and I wonder if I have the gumption to do what it takes to get there?

I recently filled out 2 applications of which to consider – volunteering in some local State & National Park sites.  I don’t know if I really have the time to commit (I probably don’t) but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to submit an application to volunteer and then to see what’s available.  I always look at all the options, see what is actually available, and then decide based on instinct of the opportunities that present themselves.  I live most of my life on gut feeling, and most times, it has provided some wonderfully interesting explorations.

It is hard to give up time that I have volunteering to causes I believe in, like Sarcoma research, and Widowhood support, but I also know that I am not obligated to these things.  I have been a part of them because of my commitment and belief in their worth.  I also know myself and my guilt feelings – the feelings that I must be a part of these communities forever because they affected my life so greatly.  This is a lie I tell myself.  I can come and go as I please, and however little or large I support these causes with my time and energy, it is helpful.  And if I take a few years break, or I step away completely, it is also OK.  Right? 😉

I know that so much of the time I have dedicated to these things has taken away from pursuing some things I really want to explore in life.  I know that guilt eats up way too much of my time, and living doesn’t eat up enough of it.  I’m getting totally sidetracked here…but there is a point.  I want and need, for many reasons, to step aside from the things I feel obligated and passionate about, to the things that I feel I want to pursue and be passionate about.  No guilt.  No obligation.  You hear that brain?

So what ties does that mean cutting?

What commitments does that mean I have to make?

What do I need to continue to learn to lead to the next step, the next journey?