I read my cousin Angela’s blog today and was stirred as much as she has been about the work that goes on in our brains. “Let’s list our accomplishments with pride and share our failures with integrity. We are not perfect, but if we are trying at all I believe we are being perfected.”
As I have shared before, self confidence and assurance has been lacking in my life for a very long time, despite my efforts to cover it up. I soak up compliments when I get them and then dissect them to find hidden meanings or some type of negativity within uplifting words. I find myself criticizing other women in particular – wondering what makes them so special or why they feel this way or that. I do it, and it does nothing for me, or for them.
I wonder a lot about what I can or cannot do – I wonder why I can’t focus and lose weight and give my body the gift of fit freedom. I wonderful if I will ever work in some type of outdoor parks job or if I will ever have the skills or smarts to do x, y or z. I question my abilities time and time again and am constantly surprised when people give me opportunities that I feel are undeserved. I downplay my wins and encourage my mistakes.
I want to stop apologizing for things that are only part of my imperfect humanity.
I want to give my body the nutrition and attention it needs so that it can perform and do the things I think it can’t.
I want to encourage other woman and not criticize them for their imperfect humanity.
I can see steps in which I am finding ways to do this. I have been consciously making an effort not to say I’m sorry when I have nothing to say I’m sorry for. I have been walking with Molly and want to try and prepare as much food as possible so I eat out less. I am going to be a mentor to a high schooler at my Alma Mater this coming year to encourage her to find her path in life.
We are being pulled away from the One who can lift us up, and being tossed together with fists up to one another. It’s just not nice, and I want to change that. With people like you, and my cousin Angela.