I should have become an anthropologist.
I love people – being involved with them, interacting with them, watching their mannerisms, and of course, judging them.
A friend said to me tonight that she wasn’t worried about cleaning before I came over because I wouldn’t judge her. She was mostly right.
Where does my judgy-ness come from? Is it just part of my DNA, or was it taught to me growing up? Is it from the people I surround myself with? It’s not a very good characteristic.
I want to be more apart, judge wise, from people – interacting with them without feeling the need to change or fix or give advice, but just to be with them. That was something I craved deeply after Kevin died. For someone to stop talking to me and someone to just be with me. To be quite honest, it’s still something I crave.
But it’s nothing something I’m particularly good at. I want to share MY side, what my influence is on the subject, how I can help, what should be fixed. But that’s probably not what people want to hear. I was doing *so* well at it for a while, but then I slipped back into new habits.
How do you just be with someone else without overbearing someone else? I think it’s time I figured that out. I guess I don’t need an anthropology degree for that after all. I just need to do it.