I feel a lot of emotions at this being the first Christmas without Kevin. I feel many emotions that our first Christmas together as a married couple, was also our last. It just doesn’t feel fair or adequate for the feelings we felt throughout our 3+ years together as a couple. I feel like we SHARED so much, in such a short amount of time.
Of course I’m said..disappointed…and a bit devastated. These holidays have been hard for me, and I’ve spent the last week and a half crying almost every day about something. And unfortunately, a lot of it has to do with seeing others in their complete happiness. Shopping together, out with the kids, the excitement of making Christmas plans together as a couple. I’m jealous, darnit. Why shouldn’t I be? I don’t get to do that this year…
I’m blessed in numerous ways, and it is so wonderful to have all my family here (except for Ken, but he sends his love and Christmas wishes) with me. It feels good to be all together, yet I know a huge link of us is missing. That void is still open and raw and terrifying.
I just want to ask for special prayer over the next few days for myself. I feel inadequate to be able to handle Christmas without Kev. I’m scared to, because I know I’m going to break, but I guess that’s ok. Pray for strength, sound mind, and comfort from above. Pray that I can find the beauty in being with the family I have, and to know that the Lord’s plan ahead is perfect. Pray for wisdom and guidance on my steps in life.
..But in the meantime, celebrate! Embrace those you love and PLEASE, under no circumstances, do not forget the Christmas wish. The Christmas Blessing of Baby Jesus. It truly is a miracle. Read the story with your family, your children. Bless those around you with love and support and be patient over these times in our lives. Above all, Love.
Wishing you & yours a truly lovely Christmas and the best of times ahead. Merry Christmas.