I never knew just how alone you could feel, despite being surrounded by your family friends, and several hundred people. But tonight, I now know. And I kinda of wish I didn’t. In a lot of ways, I wish I didn’t know it was Christmas eve, or that tomorrow was to be Christmas, because then I woudn’t feel the immensity of being alone with Kev on this joyous holiday. But it’s unavoidable, and he’s not here, and despite all those around me, it feels so very cold and alone.
Kev, you were ALWAYS the best Christmas present ever. I never needed anything more than you to hold on a day filled with such joy. And now you’re gone, what am I to do now with this?
I just don’t understand…and it hurts so terribly to be experiencing my first Christmas without you. I only got one Christmas with you to be married, and already it’s gone. It’s so bitter. Christmas feels so empty and solemn without you. Intead of celebrating the birth of my savior, I am mourning the death of you, my soulmate. I cannot understand God’s plan right now, and everytime I realize why it is I’m sitting somewhere alone, the desperation of this situation smacks me like a bullet.
So this is Christmas……
I miss you baby.