Mornings Seem Fresh

So, despite the fallen snow (which is pretty except on the roads, but otherwise, TOO early for me!), mornings are so fresh for me. Sometimes they are hard to wake to-to remember. But most times, compared to the horrible loneliness I feel at night, they’re just refreshing.

I am supposed to start this grief sesson on Tuesday through a program sponsored by Hospice of Lancaster. The more I think about it, the more I dread it. Right now, I have enough to dread. So…I don’t think I’m going to go, just yet. I think it will be too hard just two weeks out. The thought of talking about it to complete strangers (I guess that’s SORT of what I do here, but I love you all, so it doesn’t count) and having them relate to a 24 year old widow? It just doesn’t seem possible.

I guess I’m feeling a bit self loathing. 24 year old widow. I’m adjusting to the word. It helps that I found an amazing online support group for young widows and widowers called Chapter Two. It’s just so refreshing to find others like me who are facing the same things I am at such a young age. So…for now, I think I’ll stick with that type of support. And if I find I need more, or my dear friends, if you feel it would help, I’ll go then.

Today it’s “big breakfast” with Linda and Ken. It should be nice-breakfast is my absolute FAVORITE meal. So anyone wanting to take me out for breakfast at a decent hour when I get back, I’m game for it!

Nothing really planned for the rest of the day…I think we’ll all just be preparing for another hard day tomorrow. And then Monday, I’m out the door around 5am to get to the airport. I hope I have some either quiet, or interesting seatmates on the plane.

Thanks for ALL your offers for places to crash all over the country. Now if only I had the money to do it all! But I will definitely let you know if I’m heading your way.


PS…thank you all. You truly lift me up, and take me as I am without asking when/what/where. I appreciate you all giving me the time and space and just support I need to move forward at my own pace. There truly is no right way to grieve, so thank you for understanding.

Love ya.

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Comments 1

  1. We’ll do a Saturday breakfast when you get back…maybe at the Willow Street Diner? You can fill me in on the Team Sarcoma plans and add my name to your list of participants.

    I think you’re right to postpone the Hospice program, Brenda. You’ll know if you need it and can start later if you decide to. (I don’t think of you as a widow…I think of you as a survivor.)

    Live for the moment while you have Kevin’s family surrounding you, and then come back to the loving support of all your friends and family here in Pennsylvania. Give me a call when you’re ready for a Saturday breakfast!

    Love and hugs,
    Nan 🙂

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