I toured a nice hockey facility in Annville today for my daytime job, and in the locker room, the stench hit me. Sweat. Sweaty gear smell. Hockey stench. Kevin.
Just a couple of months after Kevin died, I went through his hockey gear bag and the stench flashed me back to another time. Smell has still been one of the biggest triggers to my grief. As I drove back home, tears came as I thought of the hockey games we attended together, and the 1 game he played locally once he moved to Canada. I know he wanted to play more, but it just never happened. I wonder how much he missed playing when he left Canada.
Triggers are the worst, and with the 5 year anniversary approaching in just a couple of weeks, I’m finding myself more sensitive to them and more in tune to them. I wonder, sometimes, if I’m just seeking them out, or if my subconscious is naturally triggering many of these things.
I’ve been thinking about how best to spend the 5th anniversary – I think I’ll take the day off, but the big question is, do I do things to honor Kevin, or have some fun and relax and hopefully celebrate the full funding of the Kickstarter campaign. What have you done on landmark sadversaries?
As I head into the second week of raising funds for the Kickstarter campaign, I know seeing Kevin’s pictures across my screen, and the memoir itself, just feeds these triggers. Maybe it will be good to step away from it all for the day on October 28th. Whether the Kickstarter is fully funded or not, I think I deserve a day to enjoy life, myself, and the joys that have come.
_ _ _ _
Check out my two guest blogs that hit the web this week:
Love, Loss and Hope – The Story of Online Community